YE POST CHILDHOOD

Lowlights of the spiral

Childhood is a time before reality catches up with us and each discovery makes the universe much bigger than we’d ever thought. This time period becomes so tightly linked with sights and sounds that even far after the events are over you will be mentally placed back in that memory with the right stimuli. Many people can often point to the moment that their childhood ended and usually this event (while not always traumatic) involves exposure to the world in a way that brings reality squarely into focus. The trickiest thing about all of this wonder that we experience during childhood is taking it and molding a worldview out of it. This is a skill that many of us lack until we really get the time to sit down and ask ourselves “what do I believe in?” and “what kind of person does that make me?”

For a large portion of his career, Ye ( the artist formerly known as Kanye West) made his creative journey synonymous with the freedom of expression and thought that we allow children as they navigate a new and unfamiliar world. Ye was once quoted saying “ I’m trying to bring a piece of my childhood out in every piece of music I put out”. He did this to such a degree that from time to time, as I aged it felt like my own childhood became inseparable from the works that he produced. Around 2010 I was 12 years old, I was a very sensitive child and felt that I needed someone there to give me permission to express my feelings without shame. I found that permission in the release of Ye’s 5th studio album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, it was the first time music truly made me feel creative and alive. The album and all the videos that came with it opened a new door for me, there was a place for me to find refuge from all of the darkest parts of life, my imagination. As I sit here writing this now, it is not an overstatement to say that because of Ye, I was able to find value in my own mind and learn to trust myself as I grew. Before I knew it I was a high schooler as insecure and reactionary as most people that age trying to fashion a makeshift identity out of all of my interests. Again, it was Ye and that album there to let me regardless of how out there my ideas were or far-fetched my dreams seemed it was okay to pursue them.

Unfortunately from here most of us know where this story goes, in 2016 Ye began to express his support for then Presidential Candidate Donald Trump in a series of rants at his shows for his The Life of Pablo tour. These statements are seen as shocking because of the obvious white nationalist components of the Trump Campaign. From there the 6-year downward spiral of Ye began. Lowlights of the spiral include a disastrous run at the presidency of the U.S, random comments about his black ex-girlfriends laced in Misogynoir, the infamous TMZ interview which gave us “Slavery was a Choice”, a statement so ill-conceived and underbaked that even retyping it for the purpose of this essay made me sick. Throughout all of those incidents, the sentiment me and many other fans attempted to take is that we have to separate art from the artist. A viewpoint that as time wore on became more and more disingenuous, I can’t speak for others but for me at least, I used that view as a shield from having to reflect on what exactly it meant to still actively be a fan of the art produced from someone who was becoming truly awful. Looking back on this time period, I realize that distancing myself from Ye and his creations had little to no effect on the amount I wanted to achieve and the part of my identity that had become tied to him and his music was mine regardless of if I ever engaged with him again. A part of growing up is choosing what you allow to influence you from day to day. It’s not something I believe we are conscious of all the time but life has a way of making you face the parts of it you attempt to obfuscate the most. It is not unfair today to say that Ye has adopted not just anti- semetic beliefs but pure Nazi-inspired thought patterns that by the day seem to find more room for the political right than anyone thought was there. Leaving many longtime fans looking for answers and attempting to reconcile their own beliefs with those of a literal Nazi. Unironically, for many, this is the same as learning that your own parents are not the superheroes you imagined them as in your youth and having to reconstruct a new version of your relationship with them. The only difference is Ye won’t be calling to find out if you’re still planning on coming to Christmas dinner, which may be exactly my point. I understand that finding the right piece of art at the time in your life when you need it the most is a borderline religious experience, and the people who made that art often become the figures we wish to emulate, but we don’t have to be bound by their trauma and flaws. I’m not even saying that we all must shun his art necessarily but I believe the reason many of us still choose to interact with him is that we take the criticism of him as a personal indictment on ourselves for ever being influenced by him. The memories of better times that his music was the soundtrack for become corrupted and it feels like a part of who we are is being burned at the stake. There is no perfect remedy for this. Moving on feels like abandoning something you held dear and staying could cause so much more grief. But, attempting to separate yourself and understand who you are is integral to growing up. It is okay to move on from toxic people who we once loved even if it was just parasocial. That joy from our early lives does not have to leave us as we age especially if we attempt to explore who we are becoming. The one thing to be remembered from all of this is there is a life beyond childhood.