YOU MIGHT BE THE PROBLEM...BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE WRITTEN BY DJANA MARTIN
SHOW DISCIPLINE
YOU MIGHT BE THE PROBLEM...BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE. WRITTEN BY DJANA MARTIN
Today we are going to talk about something I believe is really weighing on young adults in the black community, and that is honesty. First, we have to talk about why honesty is the topic of discussion. Sounds roundabout, but trust me hindsight and all that. Also, full disclosure, I am a plus-sized black woman in her 20s, so of course, that will color my opinions and affect the trends that I mainly see on social media apps like Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, etc.
This month, in the year 2022, I witnessed an extremely disheartening situation and another that was just as bad at its core, but more trivial than anything. We’ll start with the latter. I was scrolling on the tok as one does and came across a short video of food vlogger and strawberry lover @Strawberrifyme trying a strawberry dessert. As she goes to take her first bite a strange man off-screen says, “Mademoiselle, are you going to eat all of that?” She responds “I don’t know. I think I could,” to which he replies “That’s the reason you are so fat. You know, I’m looking at you.” She sarcastically replies, “Exactly. That’s how I stay popular, being fat,” ending the short and not-sweet-at-all exchange.
The other situation also began with the famous clock app. It all began when another TikTok creator by the handle of @Lipglossssssssss posted about her journey of accepting her natural hair and her experiences pertaining to said natural hair in the past. She mentioned that only white men approached her when she wore her hair naturally and she was okay with it. The citizens of Black Twitter, mainly the male ones, went a little nuts once they caught wind of the video. One of these grown men conducted an experiment using a nineteen-year-olds likeness without her consent and still believed it was okay to post about it, and she did not even mention the group of people he resides in, in the video.
Even though it was a man that was responsible for the craziest part of this whole situation, I do not think that this is a woman or man issue, it is a people issue. Plenty of women AND men were basically screaming in the comments on Twitter that there were not enough people in their lives when they were young that told them they deserved love and happiness simply because they exist. The other men in the comments, aside from the one who decided this was his chance to prove he’s an intellectual, were vehemently insulting this young lady’s appearance. Claiming that’s why black men do not approach her and, inadvertently, proving that what she said she experienced was true. But some of the women were supporting them too. So, black men were insulting this dark skin woman’s appearance saying that is why they would not approach her after she said they don’t approach her when she looks that way.
The thing is there were black women being just as ugly towards her, whether or not they looked like who these men were saying they prefer to date. For the women in the conversation, it isn’t about being pre-turned down by someone you already tell others you do not prefer. Which means it's deeper than preferences and deeper than women supporting colorist ideals in order to obtain men, also known as being pick-me’s.
And it is because of these situations that we need to talk about honesty, specifically being honest with oneself. From what I observed, I concluded that there are those in our community so worried about others' opinions that they won’t accept that other people’s perspectives and experiences may be different than the narrative they desire. Instead of asking each other “Why is that this young lady’s perspective?” they chose to do everything they could to prove to her and others that what she experienced (through her own eyes and ears y’all) was false. Our peers would rather make up scenarios and create false equivalences than do any real self-reflection when it comes to why things are the way they are in our lives. Everyone claims to want their gang to win and everybody to eat, but we are all cutting ourselves, and each other, off at the knees when we put each other in these boxes. We can start by accepting the truth that not being honest about the part we play in oppressing each other is only holding us back. And maybe the whole reason you are so bothered by someone not caring that you don’t want them has more to do with how you feel about yourself.